The impact of social media on our teens

Teenagers today are growing up in a profoundly different world to the one their parents did. With so much of their lives lived online, it can be a source of worry for caregivers, making it harder to know exactly what’s going on in kids’ lives. This is an issue that was raised in the public consciousness recently through the Netflix series ‘Adolescence’. While the show depicted a fictional scenario of an extreme nature, it left parents wondering how they can best support their children to navigate these tender years in the digital age.

MAS Member Dr Kirsten Davis is a clinical psychologist who has worked with adolescents and adults across both public mental health and private sectors for the last 2 decades, and is the CEO of The Psychology Group. She shares her expert advice on the impact of social media on the mental wellbeing of young people.

How are technology and social media affecting our teens?

When it comes to social media, it’s important to distinguish between problematic use, or what could be considered addiction, and just normal teenage exploration and engagement.

Social media use is not always bad; it can actually increase connection between people, and a lot of teens will cultivate meaningful connections online. But there are signs to look out for when it’s becoming problematic. Young people might struggle to manage how much they use social media, to the point where they’re not able to function in normal daily life or with everyday tasks.

It’s also a problem when it starts to impact their sleep. Particularly because of our timezone, they can be online until late at night and that’s often tied up with feelings of FOMO. They’re thinking, “What if other people are awake later than me and I miss out, or I can’t respond”. Often, that’s where you see that more anxious, stressed-out behaviour coming through.

That really innate desire to be connected to the outside world and to friends is absolutely valid, but when it leads to disrupted sleep, it can have a really detrimental effect. We know that teenagers need their sleep, and not getting enough can increase their risk of depression and decrease their functioning at school, among other things.

Are there any other signs that social media use is negatively affecting young people’s wellbeing?

It can be helpful to listen for comments our teens make where they’re referencing themselves, their body image or their self esteem. This could indicate that those idealised images that they’re seeing online could be having an effect.

That said, a lot of young people these days are quite educated in this space. I’ve been a  psychologist for 22 years, and the kids I see now have a much greater awareness that this person might not be completely real or this body might not be achievable or attainable. Their awareness around idealised imagery or ways of living has definitely increased.

I think where it has the worst impact is with young people who are already feeling unhappy about themselves. Social media tends to increase what’s already there, rather than completely causing the issue.

It’s also worth noting that some kids are more digitally literate than others. I work with a lot of neurodivergent young people, and for them, online communication can be tricky. If they naturally struggle to read social cues or understand nuances, then they’re potentially a lot more vulnerable. Those teenagers that are not skilled at navigating digital spaces are more at risk of the negative impacts. If they hover over the wrong thing then it ends up becoming a regular part of their feed, whereas other kids might know to move past it or flick it away.

For any of us, though, it can be hard to accurately read the tone of voice in a message, or we might miss some additional information because of the briefness of words. That can lead to negative interpretation a lot more frequently than if you were communicating with somebody in person.

The real danger is when that communication becomes online bullying, and some social media apps, like Snapchat, are particularly bad because there’s no trail – the messages just disappear. The research points to this happening more to girls and LGBTQI+ kids. Certain groups are a lot more vulnerable and experience a lot more hate-based communication. That, in turn, can lead to increased risk of depression.

How can we get our teens to open up to us and share what’s going on in their lives?

We need to provide opportunities for them to be able to talk. Parents these days are so busy, sometimes we don’t create the space for them to be open. It might be that when you’re in the car driving somewhere, you can ask them how they’re doing.

Then, as parents, we just need to listen and validate, not jump into problem solving too quickly. Hearing what they’ve got to say and then asking them, “Do you need some help with this?” or “Would you like some help figuring out what to do?”.

Showing an interest, listening and asking direct questions can be good, such as, “How are you feeling?”, “How are things going at school?”, “I noticed this change, can you talk to me about what’s going on?”.

Think of it like you’re providing an emotional basket and let them know that you can hold the information that they’re giving you. Just acknowledge what they’re sharing with you and appreciate that that’s really important.

I would also say that if you, as a parent, are contributing to the difficulties that they’re having, be open to that and acknowledge it. Try to work together to do things differently. It might not just be all about them, so it’s about being brave enough as a parent to ask them how they feel within the family, and being open to making changes if needed.

Overall, how can we help build confidence and resilience in our teens?

The best thing we can do is support our young people to have a sense of mastery and success in their life. We can help build their confidence day to day through lots of positive reinforcement and praise, and building their sense of hopefulness to navigate the challenges. Teenage challenges are inevitable, but supporting them to tolerate the difficult emotions and have a sense of agency when it comes to navigating the ups and downs of life is key. That’s what resilience is – the ability to cope skilfully with the challenges that come their way.

Find out more about teenage psychology and parenting

• The Teenage Brain by Dr Frances E Jensen

This book, written by renowned neurologist Dr Jensen, offers a revolutionary look at the brains of teenagers, dispelling myths and offering practical advice for teens, parents and teachers.

• How to Raise a Teen by Sarah Ockwell-Smith

Parenting expert and mother of 4 young adults Sarah Ockwell-Smith provides advice and guidance for parents, carers, and anybody else who works with teenagers and their families on how to navigate this tricky period.

• Pop Culture Parenting

This podcast is about finding the sweet spot between the textbooks and real life when it comes to parenting. Dr Billy (a developmental paediatrician) and Nick (a developing parent) are a couple of dads having honest discussions about parenting day to day.

For more information and advice on how to improve your physical and mental health, register for the Āki Wellbeing Hub. All MAS Members and their families receive free access.